Wednesday, October 16, 2019

I'm Special

After my hernia operation six weeks ago, the doctor came to visit me 24 hours after the operation in my nice private hospital room (which cost the all of fifty bucks a day). He was a little excited and said, "Guess what we found when we did your operation?" I had no idea. "It was your large intestine, not the small intestine." Then he told me that I should sit up, put on the new underwear Katrinka just bought me at his suggestion, tight briefs, and start walking and go home. I said I wondered about which intestine it was, that it seemed awfully large. Inguinal hernias, also called groin hernias, are the most common and they're usually the small intestine protruding through a weakness in the abdominal muscles. He said I had an unusually long large intestine. I remembered back thirty years ago when a Japanese man, a farmer, told me that caucasians can eat brown rice because we have longer intestines than Japanese. I don't think he got that from studying human anatamy in school. But Dr. Adi wasn't lumping me in with other caucasians. He said I had an unusually long large intestine for a human being. I flash forward to my Wikipedia listing a century from now with only one line: "Known for his unusually long large intestine." I always wanted to be special and now I know I am. As I walk down the street now I look at others and think, "Hmm. I have a longer large intestine than they do. I'm special!"

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